The Warm-Up: Mourinho's malaise, Kanu, Malcom and Tottenham's lost summer

The Warm-Up: Mourinho's malaise, Kanu, Malcom and Tottenham's lost summer
The Warm-Up: Mourinho's malaise, Kanu, Malcom and Tottenham's lost summer

Plus: Jose v Pep expressed in rondo form, and an unrelated story about a stolen shark.

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WEDNESDAY’S BIG STORIES

Jose’s earworm

“I've been wandrin' around the house all night, wondering what the hell to do.”

Jose tried to focus on his tactics for the Real Madrid game, but he couldn’t get that song out of his head.

“Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you”

Jose Mourinho and Rui FariaGetty Images

McTominay on the wing, Luke Shaw in an inverted seven-and-a-half role? Oh, that’ll do.

“Well the phone don't ring 'cos my friends ain't home, I'm tired of being all alone”

How do you get the players back onside when your conscious mind is filled with the soaring harmonies of Mel C?

“Got the TV on 'cos the radio's playing songs that remind me of you”

Jose Mourinho and Rui FariaGetty Images

Which one of the coaches to talk to about this? Carrick? Nah. McKenna, Rapetti? Bit awkward, really need to learn their first names.

“Baby when you're gone I realize I'm in love. Days go on and on and the nights just seem so long”

God he missed Rui.

“Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should. Things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone”

Jose Mourinho and Rui FariaGetty Images

United win!

Manchester United won their final US tour game 2-1 over Real Madrid overnight, a result sure to cheer up the lovelorn Jose Mourinho.

" The match doesn't change anything ... I didn't learn anything ... tactically, it means nothing … if you play Real Madrid in the Champions League that result is important, not today."

Suit yourself.

Pochettino’s transfer plea

Mourinho, of course, is upset about United’s summer transfer business. United have brought in just Fred for £53m, Diogo Dalot for £20m and Lee Grant for bants.

But spare a thought for Mauricio Pochettino, whose Tottenham side have failed to complete a single transfer, in or out, all summer.

Poch keeps getting Daniel Levy’s out of office - what does ‘limited access to email’ mean anyway? Is he holidaying on Jupiter? - and his phone’s been going straight to voicemail since May 14.

Nevertheless, he’s staying positive and hasn’t given up hope of movement before the 9 August deadline.

"I don't know if we are going to sign or not. We're working on that. I cannot tell you if we're going to sign one, zero, two or three or four."

Smart tactic, that – putting Levy off no-deal summer by slipping the ‘zero’ surreptitiously between ‘one’ and ‘two’. He’ll never find it there.

Mauricio PochettinoPA Sport

IN OTHER NEWS

Here’s a training-ground Rondo from Pep Guardiola’s time at Bayern Munich. Along with the dazzling one-touch ball skills, you’ll marvel the high energy and commitment.

You’ll also notice a slightly manic Pep Guardiola barking constant encouragement, at one point yelping, “Badstuber, I love you!”

And here’s Manchester United doing a Rondo in training yesterday. Kinda the same.

HEROES AND ZEROES

Heroes: West Ham

Yes, really. For taking the positives from a pre-season win on penalties against Mainz.

Zero: Malcom

First he snubbed Roma for Barcelona, adding an awkward edge to the teams pre-season meeting.

Then this happened.

Roma had the last laugh (read: no, of course they didn’t, it was pre-season) running out 4-2 winners.

HAT TIP

More perceptive readers may notice this story contains no football.

What it does contain, however, is the theft of a shark from an aquarium using a pushchair – and the daring recovery of said shark.

RETRO CORNER

It’s Kanu’s 42nd birthday today – excuse enough to bring you possibly the Warm-Up’s favourite goal ever.

It’s The One Where He Rounded The Keeper By Doing Nothing.

COMING UP

Celtic take a 3-1 lead to Trondheim for their Champions League second leg against Rosenborg – full coverage of that one from 19:45. And we’re also liveblogging Arsenal v Chelsea, who meet tonight in Dublin because well why not? That one kicks off at 20:05.

Thursday's Warm-Up comes to you from Jack Lang, who's more of a Summer of '69 guy

This article was written by cool news network.

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